Why Being Your Own Valentine is Better Than Any Man 

valentines

Our entire life is dedicated to finding someone else to spend it with. We constantly worry about finding the perfect person and we sometimes forget to worry about ourselves and our own happiness. When we’re younger we don’t realize that we have to learn to love ourselves fully before we truly invest in loving someone else wholeheartedly. The panic of finding a partner for life sets in at such a young age, when really we should be focusing on ourselves. It truly takes hitting rock bottom with someone in order to realize that life is not about finding someone to love but learning to love yourself. If you have no love for yourself, then how can you be expected to fully love another? Our young lives are when we should be going out with your girlfriends, making mistakes, bonding with siblings and family and focusing on yourself. Once we’re older, we have to focus on jobs and making someone else happy. If you don’t take your young life to make yourself happy, then you run out of time once you do find your special someone. Once you find that person, your job is to make them happy. If you don’t take the time in your young life to treat yourself and your soul and your mind, you’re never going to get that time back. So why not perfect yourself as an individual before finding someone? Besides, if you don’t love yourself, then how can you expect someone else to love you full heartedly?

I don’t regret any relationships I had in my life. They have all taught me so many lessons about love, life, and relationships. However, I do regret being so obsessed with those relationships. I was convinced my first boyfriend in high school would be the one. We planned our future and worried about colleges and being close to each other. Little did I know it wouldn’t even last until Junior year. I invested so much time and effort into the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re in a committed relationship you should be investing time and energy and love into it. I just wasn’t ready to dedicate that much effort to someone when I was so young. Even my second relationship in high school that lasted until sophomore year of college wasn’t a mature relationship. To this day we still talk, and the level of maturity between us now after taking time away from each other to grow is incredible. We both have taken the time to learn about ourselves individually. We’ve both had different experiences that have changed us as people. Now we have a better relationship than I ever could have imagined. You should never regret your past relationships. They shape you and mold you and teach you. They help you grow and teach you lessons you could never learn on your own. They are part of you, just as much as those previous partners are part of your life forever. Just remember that it doesn’t have to work out. Some relationships are meant to be lessons. Some are meant to teach you what real love is. Some are meant to teach you what real love isn’t. Some are meant to teach you that you still haven’t learned to love yourself enough.

Taking time in your life to grow and focus on yourself is the key to being in a healthy relationship in the future. It is the key to living a healthy life in the future. None of us have found who we truly are by 21. I see myself change from day to day. I see my friends grow and change from week to week. We experience small things that can change our lives in the matter of a quick second. These experiences that we face on our own is what shapes us as individuals. We need to face these experiences on our own to truly figure out who we are on our own. What happens if later on in life you lose your partner? What happens if they’re not the one? You then need to face the world alone once again. If you already know how to face the world as an individual then you’re prepared for anything that comes your way in the future. We all constantly strive to find ourselves, but why not take the time to find ourselves now? We see adults still trying to search for themselves. Why don’t we take matters into our own hands when were young and find ourselves now so that we can experience life to the fullest, forever being content with who we are as a person. That gives us the ability to fully love life and anything that comes towards us. If we embrace who we are now, we never have to wish that we were someone different. Society wastes too much time on our image and trying to perfect yourself. We constantly worry about perfecting ourselves and making the best versions of yourself possible. But imagine how much time you will have to love life if you’ve learned to love yourself already. Love yourself now so that you have time to love everything and anyone that comes at you down the road.

This deep love and respect that you have for yourself will then reflect on anyone you choose to love in the future. If you enter a relationship with confidence in yourself and your ability to love yourself and anyone around you, then the lack of love will not be what holds you back. We’ve all entered relationships that lack so much love. But think back on them now and you may see that the lack of love may not have been with each other but within yourselves. You cannot fully love someone else until you love yourself. So take the time to spoil yourself. Take the time to discover who you are as an individual. Take the time to think about yourself for the last time in your life where you may have the time to only focus on yourself. Dedicate everything to yourself. Take yourself to froyo. Go to yoga. Buy that Kylie LipKit you’ve been eyeing for weeks. Find yourself. Make mistakes. Drink an entire bottle of wine because why the hell not. In the future, you might have to get red wine even though you only like white because your partner despises white. So drink all the white wine now because one day you’re going to have to share that bottle of wine. Take this day to love yourself more than you could ever love anyone in the future. You’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. You’re not forced to stay by anyone else’s side forever. But you do have to put up with yourself forever. So make sure you love yourself. Make sure you love yourself with every inch of your being because one day you will find that special someone when you’re ready. If it’s at 20, 30, or 75. Make sure you’re happy with who you’re spending the rest of your life with. None of us deserve unhappiness. So take the first step to loving yourself today. I promise it will be one of the best decisions of your life. Valentine’s day is a Hallmark holiday anyways. Also, go buy some red velvet swirled dove chocolate that will most likely be on clearance tomorrow because why not. You only live once, so love yourself because no one can love you more than you can love yourself.

Lots of love, XOXO

Sydney

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Author: sydneyshibuya

If you're reading this you probably know me and you probably know what I've been through this past year. You probably don't know that I struggle with generalized anxiety disorder every day. After years of psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists telling me to write all of my feelings and stories down, I have finally gotten to a point where I feel like it's my only option for recovery. You can follow along with my story, but be warned I am (like most 21 year olds these days) an emotional wreck, and a scarily very detailed writer. I also have no filter so be warned that most of my posts won't have a filter. My wish is for domestic violence to be talked about more openly. I hope that from reading this people realize that their seemingly perfect relationship can have it's problems. Your best friend could be hiding behind smiley Instagram posts, but covering up bruises behind closed doors. I hope that my story motivates these people to step up and leave their abusive relationships. It took me a long time after my relationship ended to realize that it was in fact an abusive relationship. I hope that from my stories other people learn to realize the signs before I did. Help me end the silence of domestic violence. xoxo Syd

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