Where it all Begins: Why I Chose to Write About this Dark Journey

You always hear about domestic violence stories. You hear about girls who stay in abusive relationships and think you’ll never be the girl that stays. You gossip with your friends about how stupid that girl is for staying with that douchebag. You think you’d never let anyone treat you that way. You all say “I would leave the second he laid a hand on me”. You never ever think that that girl is going to be you. You never ever think that that girl IS you.

For me personally, I never realized that the abuse was abuse. You trust the person you’re in love with. I trusted him with my whole entire heart. After the first time he hit me. After the second time he hit me. After the third time he hit me. To be honest I still trusted him a bit after he fracture my face in two places. But that’s what they do. They gain your trust. They build up your trust so much that when they eventually end up shattering it, you still trust them. When they end up shattering it, you still trust them wholeheartedly. That’s their biggest talent. That’s how they get you to stay. That’s how he got me to stay almost a whole year after he hit me for the first time. The funny thing is, I always thought it was my fault. I still to this day think it’s my fault. I know in no way is it my fault. But it starts getting hard to convince your self that it isn’t.

So I guess that’s why I’m here now. No matter how hard I try it still feels like I was the one who did something wrong. I guess I feel like if I write about it enough I won’t still feel the same way. Maybe if I write enough eventually I’ll get to a point where I don’t think it’s my fault. Maybe if I write enough eventually one day the scar over my eye won’t remind me of him every time I look in the mirror. And maybe if I write enough eventually I will look back and know I learned something from this bump in the road instead of blocking all of the memories out of my head.

So you can read all of this and follow along with my story or you can end here. But this is my story. It’s the story of how I overcome something I never thought I would have to overcome. It’s breaking the silence for all of the women out there who have had to go through the same thing but were never brave enough to talk about it. So here i am breaking the silence and letting you into my story. It is violent and sad and confusing but it’s my story and I’m finally ready to tell it.

xoxo

Syd

 

 

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Author: sydneyshibuya

If you're reading this you probably know me and you probably know what I've been through this past year. You probably don't know that I struggle with generalized anxiety disorder every day. After years of psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists telling me to write all of my feelings and stories down, I have finally gotten to a point where I feel like it's my only option for recovery. You can follow along with my story, but be warned I am (like most 21 year olds these days) an emotional wreck, and a scarily very detailed writer. I also have no filter so be warned that most of my posts won't have a filter. My wish is for domestic violence to be talked about more openly. I hope that from reading this people realize that their seemingly perfect relationship can have it's problems. Your best friend could be hiding behind smiley Instagram posts, but covering up bruises behind closed doors. I hope that my story motivates these people to step up and leave their abusive relationships. It took me a long time after my relationship ended to realize that it was in fact an abusive relationship. I hope that from my stories other people learn to realize the signs before I did. Help me end the silence of domestic violence. xoxo Syd

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